DT-Equanimity and Resilience

Tonight, we will take a break from responding to upsetting news about Supreme Court rulings, threats to our democracy, political polarization, the plight of immigrants and refugees, ongoing wars in Ukraine and elsewhere, rising inflation, the falling Stock Market, and worsening climate change. We will practice equanimity, one of the four brahma viharas or divine abodes that cultivate the capacity of the heart to bear whatever arises.

Equanimity or Upekkha has to do with clarity and wisdom and with being fearlessly open-minded, without judgments, desire, or aversion. Equanimity implies accepting the reality of life’s high and low points and developing an attitude of inner peace amidst inevitable changes.

Upekkha is considered a wise practice for balancing the mind and liberating ourselves from reactivity and attachments. It takes regular practice to be able to open the heart in a stable, sustained way, while letting go of preferences. 

Sometimes equanimity is confused with indifference, which is considered its “near enemy.” When we are indifferent, the heart is closed and defended in self-protection, but equanimity stems from an open and compassionate heart.

Meditation teacher Sebene Selassie points out that both meditation practice and daily life include distractions and discouraging experiences. Unless we train our minds and hearts, we tend to react with aversion to unpleasantness. Instead, we can start to develop equanimity by remembering to breathe consciously with whatever is occurring and to sense the body being supported by the earth.

With the steady quality of equanimity, we build resilience and strengthen our resolve to face challenging situations. Whether there is ease or pain, we can learn to appreciate and accept the reality of our experience. When we bow to what is arising and say to ourselves, “Yes, this too,” we create space for exactly what is here right now. We allow what is happening without getting caught up in it. Any time that we start to feel unsettled, we can start over again, returning to sensations of the breath and touch points in the body, and relaxing into the present moment.

Recently, I heard a dharma talk about equanimity by Yuko Yamada, a Zen abbess in Tokyo. During the pandemic, no visitors came to her temple, and Yuko practiced alone in the meditation room. There she was comforted by a statue of the Buddha with one of his hands raised in an equanimous gesture of loving acceptance. After a while, she missed having a sangha and decided to invite a young nun from another temple to stay with her for an extended period of practice.

At first both women enjoyed meditating together and creating a mini sangha. In a spirit of generosity, the abbess shared meditative instructions with her less experienced companion. Because the young nun did not know how to cook, Yuko shopped for groceries and cooked all their meals. Despite being tired from extra responsibilities, she welcomed being with her dharma friend.

But their peaceful coexistence did not last. The novitiate began to complain about the food she was served. She rejected Yuko’s gentle advice to investigate attachment to preferences and then accused the abbess of talking too much instead of respecting noble silence. At that point, Yuko reacted with an irate outburst, “If you don’t like it here, return to your own temple!” The young nun burst into tears and closeted herself in her bedroom.

Yuko took refuge in the meditation hall, where she knelt in front of the Buddha’s statue and expressed regret for speaking so angrily. She admitted her unrealistic expectations for a harmonious sangha. As she acknowledged her mistakes, the statue’s equanimous gesture was a reminder of the essential goodness and Buddha nature underlying all human imperfections. In Yuko’s words, “The Buddha’s hand is big enough that whatever we do, we are held in kindness.”

Once her own equanimity was restored, Yuko apologized to the young nun, who had been reflecting upon her own behavior. They both recognized that individual differences enrich a spiritual community, while each person contributes unique strengths that work in combination. Equanimity prevailed. The two nuns reconciled, and their little sangha grew more resilient.

To help us develop equanimity and resilience, I’ve adapted a guided meditation by Diana Winston:

Sit comfortably and close your eyes.

Breathe gently into the area of your heart.

Reflect on the value of an open, peaceful mind.

Notice any indifference or apathy that arise and let them go. 

Remember that each of us has a capacity to be with reality as it is and to develop a state of inner balance and ease.

We’ll begin by repeating some phrases of affirmation to enhance our own equanimity:

I can be with things as they are.

I may not like the circumstances, and that’s OK.

They may not be what I want, but I can be with them.

I have the capacity to be with life as it is. (2X)

From a state of ease and stability, visualize or sense the presence of someone you love….

Recall their joys and sorrows and their longing for inner peace and balance.

Repeat phrases of affirmation on behalf of this loved one:

Whether or not you like the circumstances,

You can be with things as they are.  

You have a capacity to be with life as it is. [2X]

With a deep exhalation, let go of the image or felt sense of this dear one.

Return to the sensation of breathing softly into the area of the heart.

Bring to mind a benefactor who has given you caring support….  Remember their longing for equanimity amidst their joys and sorrows. Repeat phrases of affirmation on behalf of your benefactor:

Whether or not you like the circumstances,

You can be with things as they are. 

You have a capacity to be with life as it is. [2X]

With an exhalation, let go of the image of the benefactor, and return to breathing gently into the area of the heart.

Now visualize or sense the presence of everyone in our Insight Meditation Houston sangha, including neutral people whom you do not know well. Recall that in the midst of our joys and sorrows, each of us longs for inner peace and balance. Repeat phrases of affirmation for the benefit of our meditation community.

Whether or not you like the circumstances,

You can be with things as they are. 

You have a capacity to be with life as it is. [2X]

Exhaling deeply, let go of the vision of the sangha. Return to the sensation of breathing into the area of the heart.

Now bring to mind someone who is difficult for you to accept… Reflect upon the joys and sorrows in this person’s life. Repeat the equanimity phrases on behalf of both of you.

Whether or not we like the circumstances,

we can be with things as they are. 

We have a capacity to be with life as it is. [2X]

With a deep exhalation, let go of the image of this person who has caused you difficulty.  Return to the sensation of breathing gently into the area of the heart.

Finally, extending our good wishes for the equanimity of all people far and wide:

Whether or not you like the circumstances,

You can be with things as they are. 

You have a capacity to be with life as it is. [2X]

Exhaling, letting go of this expansive vision. At your own rhythm, slowly open your eyes.

Whatever we have to deal with, whatever may come, may we meet it with equanimity.