Tonight I will continue to share some of the rich teachings from my recent Compassionate Care retreat at the Garrison Institute.  I have adapted some of Koshin Paley Ellison’s words about equanimity.

Equanimity means to be in harmony with reality. This week representatives from countries all around the world are participating in urgent discussions about climate change in Paris, the site of recent terrorist massacres.  It is increasingly clear that human activity is contributing to greater numbers and more intense severity of tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornados and droughts. Refugees are fleeing war zones and areas where natural resources have been depleted. When the planet is not in a state of equanimity, neither are its inhabitants.

On a more personal level, I am returning from a difficult encounter with one of my relatives during the Thanksgiving holiday.  Now I feel renewed motivation to practice equanimity, which means to be in harmony with the moment.  According to Bikkhu Bodhi, “Equanimity is an alive state of being in relationship fully.  Stability in the face of what is constantly moving gives us unshakable freedom.”

In my own experience, I know how hard it is to stay present without reactivity, when I feel hurt and embarrassed.  For many years, I have practiced withdrawing from potential arguments around the family dinner table, washing dishes in the kitchen or spending extra time in the bathroom until my temper cools.  But this past week, I felt provoked enough that I reacted to meanness and unfair criticism by lashing out verbally to protect myself.  The result of such reactivity is a no-win battle of words that I regret afterwards.  I just sent a letter of apology, asking forgiveness for my part in the recent heated exchange.  Admitting my mistakes helps me move in the direction of freedom.

At the Garrison Institute retreat, Koshin retold a Zen tale of a student pleading with his Master, “I’m riddled with sickness.  Please absolve me of all my sins and suffering.” When the Master replies, “Show me your suffering,” the student recognizes, “I can’t find it anywhere.”  The Master responds, “See. You are absolved. Simply take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.”  This advice is not so simple to follow in daily life.

Zen Master Dogen taught, “The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no attachment to preferences. If you would clearly see the truth, discard all of your opinions….If you remain in duality, you will never know unity.”

How challenging it is to relinquish our attachment to preferences.  We have so many ideas about ways we would like to change reality to fit our wishes.  It is seldom that we flow with life without resistance.

Hospice caregivers sometimes remind patients to say four phrases before they die:

“Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you.”

When I consider that I could die at any moment, I am reminded that now is the time to express forgiveness, gratitude and love to people who are in my life to teach me lessons—some more challenging than others.


Now close your eyes and reflect for a few moments about how you find stillness and equanimity in chaotic moments.


Open your eyes and feel free to tell us some of the ways you create stillness and equanimity in your life.

[My own list is as follows:

Connecting to my breathing

Sensing my feet touching the ground


Following morning routines

Slowly performing Qigong movements

Listening to music

Walking in nature

Receiving massages

Listening & communicating authentically with my husband or a dear friend

Sitting at the bedside of hospice patients

Lying down on a Body Buddy mat]


Close your eyes again and reflect briefly upon ways that you resist reality and prevent equanimity.


Open your eyes and, if you feel comfortable, share what gets in the way of living with equanimity.


Let us close with a moment of Equanimity practice, repeating the following phrases in silence:


May I accept the comings and goings of life.

May I be open and balanced and peaceful.


Once you establish a measure of equanimity, bring to mind someone who especially could benefit from your practice now:


May you accept the comings and goings of life.

May you be open and balanced and peaceful.