BV-Metta & Interconnection-S. Salzberg
This dharma talk about Metta or lovingkindness draws on an article by Sharon Salzberg about the interconnectedness of all Beings. When we envision ourselves as part of a vast interwoven web of life, lovingkindness arises naturally. As Sharon says, “We look at a tree and see it not as a seemingly solitary, singular entity but as a set of relationships—of elements and forces and contingencies all connecting in constant motion: the seed that was planted, and the quality of the soil that received the seed; the quality of the air, and the sunlight, the moonlight, the wind. That is the tree. In the same way, each of us in every moment is a set of relationships…. [Lovingkindness] is a view that arises from a radical perception of non-separateness.”
During the week of the Big Freeze of 2021, there were many instances of this radical perception of interconnection. Neighbors reached out to help one another, sharing water, food, housing, and electrical outlets to charge batteries. People drove across state lines to deliver essential medication to stranded patients and indispensable parts to plumbers who were trying to repair broken water pipes. I was touched by reports of animal lovers braving the cold to rescue stunned turtles and fragile bats, protecting them inside until they were strong enough to return to their natural habitats.
When I first started practicing Metta, I conceived of it as a feeling that I needed to generate, and I doubted my capacity to feel lovingkindness. But Sharon cautions, “As soon as we define it as a certain feeling, we make it into an object, a thing, something we give or don’t give, something we have or don’t have, something we might have to produce on demand, like a card on Valentine’s Day. Loving-kindness is not an object; it is an essential way of seeing that arises when we free ourselves from our normal mental habits that create division and boundaries and barriers, that create a sense of self and other. The practice of loving-kindness is a relinquishing, a coming back, a relaxing into our natural state of mind.”
Sharon admits her own initial skepticism that lovingkindness and compassion are manifestations of the natural state of mind. At first she thought, “No way. Look at this world—it’s a mess. I’m also a mess. There’s just no way that these qualities can be the natural state of the mind.” Yet as she meditated and practiced Metta, she gradually cultivated an attitude of lovingkindness that permeates her daily life.
In her words, “[W]hen I can be a little more still and not rush to judgment, when I learn something about somebody or about myself…, when I see a situation or a person more clearly, I am always brought to a greater sense of connection, to a greater sense of loving-kindness. Never has clearer seeing led to more separation or distance, more alienation or fear. Not once.”
As a hospice chaplain, I have many opportunities to practice seeing others more clearly. One day I was sitting at the bedside of a hospice patient who was dizzy in the aftermath of a seizure. He was in such a confused state that he asked repeatedly, “What day is it today?” Beneath his insistent questioning, I could detect fear and disorientation. Instead of reacting impatiently, I reminded him over and over that I visit him every Wednesday afternoon and that I care about his wellbeing. Eventually, he calmed down, not because he needed the information but because he could hear a tone of lovingkindness in my voice.
Probably each of us can recall times when we felt judged or criticized for behavior that stemmed from our anxiety. Sharon writes, “If we regard other people as objects rather than as sensitive beings, it’s easy to harm them. But if we understand, from within, the pain that others would experience from our [unskillful] actions, then a clear and true sense of morality arises.” Remembering how it feels to be hurt, we learn not to hurt others.
Empathy and nonseparation are fundamental aspects of loving-kindness. When we see through ignorance and arrive at the heart of our interconnectedness, it is as if we are awaking from a bad dream about living in isolation. From clear seeing arises the natural loving-kindness that underlies our bodhisattva nature.
Metta refers to the generosity and openness of heart that wishes well towards all beings. As Joseph Goldstein says, “Although we derive great benefit from the feeling and practice of lovingkindness, it does not seek any self-benefit. Metta is not given with the expectation of getting anything in return. Even when we direct metta towards ourselves, it is simply the gateway to an open heart.”
*Now let’s practice opening the heart with a guided Metta meditation adapted from Noah Levine’s book Against the Stream.
Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Settle into the present-time experience of your body. Relax any physical tension in the eyes, jaw, shoulders, belly, and hands.
Reflect upon your wish for happiness and freedom from suffering.
Be aware of your heart’s sincere longing for wellbeing. With each breath, sense your wish to be safe and protected and to experience love and kindness. Connecting with an intention to uncover the heart’s deepest loving responses, begin to offer yourself kind and friendly phrases:
May I be peaceful and happy.
May I be healthy in body and mind.
From inner and outer harm may I be safe.
From all suffering may I be free.
You may notice distracting thoughts and judgments arising about the practice or about your capacity for love. With a gentle and persistent effort, bring your attention back to the phrases. Repeat them like a mantra or statement of positive intention…. Exhale and let go of this stage of metta. Return to sensing the heart.
Now bring to mind someone who has touched you with great kindness. Visualize or have a felt sense of this benefactor’s presence. Recognizing that this person shares your longing for wellbeing and love, offer metta phrases to your benefactor:
Just as I wish to be happy, may you be peaceful and happy.
May you be healthy in body and mind.
From inner and outer harm, may you be safe.
From all suffering, may you be free.
Let the mind and body relax into the reverberations of each phrase. Don’t expect to feel loving instantly. Sometimes we perceive our lack of kindness and resist Metta practice. Resisting is a normal part of the purification process. Simply acknowledge whatever is happening and continue repeating the phrases in as merciful and friendly manner as possible. Exhale, releasing the image of the benefactor, and return to sensations of the heart.
Bring to mind a beloved friend or family member. Picturing or sensing the presence of this loved one, repeat the metta phrases for their benefit:
May you be peaceful and happy.
May you be healthy in body and mind.
From inner and outer harm, may you be safe.
From all suffering, may you be free.
Exhale and sense your heart again… Bring to mind someone whom you do not know well, someone neutral—perhaps a person you don’t know at all, a passerby on the street or somebody waiting with you in a line. Understanding that everyone wants happiness and love, begin offering the neutral person loving-kindness.
May you be peaceful and happy.
May you be healthy in body and mind.
From inner and outer harm, may you be safe.
From all suffering, may you be free.
Exhale, releasing the image of the neutral person and breathing into the heart.
Expanding the practice, include a person whom you find difficult in your life. Choose someone whom you have cut out of your heart. Recall that all beings wish to be met with kindness. Even those who are annoying, unskillful, confused, mean, or violent want to be happy. With the intention to free yourself from hatred, fear and ill will, direct metta phrases to a person who is a source of difficulty for you.
May you be peaceful and happy.
May you be healthy in body and mind.
From inner and outer harm, may you be safe.
From all suffering, may you be free.
Pay close attention to your visceral responses. If this part of the practice feels overwhelming, choose someone less toxic, or take a break and gently redirect the phrases towards yourself for a while…. Exhale deeply and release the image of the difficult person, returning to the sensations of the heart.
Now expand the field of loving-kindness to include everyone in our sangha. Gradually extend positive thoughts to all those in the city of Houston, the state of Texas, the United States, the hemisphere, and the entire world. Send loving-kindness to all who are cold, ill, thirsty, hungry, and homeless. Radiate an open heart to all beings everywhere.
May all beings be peaceful and happy.
May all beings be healthy.
From inner and outer harm, may all beings be safe.
From all suffering, may all beings be free.
After sending loving-kindness out to all beings everywhere, let go of the phrases and bring attention back to the breath and body. Be aware of the sensations and emotions that are present. Whenever you are ready, allow your eyes to open, and
bring your attention to our sangha, sensing the support of practicing in community.