BV-Equanimity Cultivation re Diana Winston
As we emerge from strict pandemic protocols, we are entering another period of uncertainty. Life is not as it was before we sheltered in place. With the spread of new variants of the virus, it’s not clear what protective measures are appropriate. The brahma vihara practice of equanimity or Upekkha helps us find balance and stability as we deal with our changing world.
Recently, Mark and I took our first plane trip in 18 months. I felt compassion for the flight attendants, understandably weary after weeks of contending with passengers who resist wearing face masks for extended periods of time. At the Boston airport car rental center, there were long lines and few available cars. Fortunately, we had been warned to reserve a car several months in advance. We drove in slow Friday rush-hour traffic to Lake Sunapee, New Hampshire. There, we gathered with my three siblings and their spouses to celebrate my father’s 95th birthday. After so much social isolation, he was very pleased to have a lively fiesta in the presence of our family.
At the end of the weekend, Mark and I embarked on a pilgrimage to visit my mother’s burial site in Potsdam, NY. We drove five hours, crossing part of Lake Champlain on a ferry and passing vast fields of windmills and Amish farmers riding in horse-drawn buggies. When we arrived, I felt tired but satisfied that we had maintained our equanimity throughout the ups and downs of our journey.
We had time for a tour before walking to the cemetery. One of the most imposing buildings in Potsdam is Trinity Episcopal Church, constructed in 1835 with red sandstone slabs from a local quarry that was overseen by my ancestor Thomas Clarkson. At Mark’s suggestion, I posed, smiling, for a photo in front of the historic church, which is dedicated to my family. An instant afterwards, I was yelping and jumping up and down in pain. I had been standing in a nest of bees, which swarmed around, stinging me repeatedly. Screaming, I ran down the sidewalk, shedding my shoes, and swatting away bees.
Mark chased behind, attracting some stings of his own, and begged me to stop so that he could help slap away my tormenters, but I kept on running and flailing away. Some pedestrians on the other side of the street witnessed my dramatic flight and didn’t know whether to laugh or commiserate. They shouted words of encouragement. Finally, far from the nest, Mark and I vanquished the last of the pursuing bees. While I was tending to red, swollen, painful welts, I recognized that in my frantic race to rid myself of stinging insects, I had not only abandoned any semblance of equanimity but also ignored the first Buddhist precept to protect all sentient beings.
At that point, I realized that we were late to meet the sexton at the cemetery. We sent her a text about the reason for our delay. Following Mark, I half limped, half ran along a riverside path until we came to the carved red sandstone gates of Bayside Cemetery, where Sexton Lorelei awaited us. As a regular hiker and camper, she was familiar with bee stings and kindly promised to fetch us some Benadryl ointment.
First, she led us to my mother’s grave site, a tranquil spot atop a hill overlooking the beautiful Raquette River. Sitting there, I calmed down and remembered that everything is impermanent. In a state of relaxed contemplation at the peaceful cemetery, my physical discomfort faded into the background. It was clear to me that it takes ongoing practice to cultivate a level of equanimity that is not dependent on changing conditions.
Today I will lead us in an adapted guided equanimity practice suggested by Diana Winston, a meditation teacher whom I know from Spirit Rock.
Settle into a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take a few breaths.
Invite yourself to soften and connect with the pulsations of your heart. Be aware of your body and mind, right here, right now.
Remember that each one of us has a capacity to be with reality as it is and to find a place of inner balance and ease.
Recall a time when you felt calm and balanced. It may have been an extended period of ease and contentment. Or it could have been a brief moment when you were about to react emotionally, but instead you paused and steadied yourself.
Notice if you can sense or feel what it was like to embody equanimity, even for a short period of time…. Where were you? What did you see or hear? Most importantly, how was your inner experience?
If nothing comes to mind, you might visualize a mountain—solid, strong, and powerful. Can you imagine embodying the strength of a mountain? Sense grounding and stability in your posture. Breathe slowly and steadily.
Remind yourself, “Like a mountain, I know how to embody strength and equanimity.”
As you remember a time of equanimity, or as you connect with the image of the mountain, be aware of any sensations or emotions. Breathe and notice what’s happening inside of you.
Now recall any impediments that make it difficult for you to find equanimity. There may be a minor dissatisfaction or a major concern. Perhaps you’re feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities or worried about lack of work….
As you remember obstacles to equanimity, notice what happens in your body. Gently bring awareness to areas of tightness or tension, contraction or constriction. Note any aversion in your mind—any thoughts about wanting to change your circumstances. Breathe and observe what is true in this moment.
Imagine sending supportive phrases to yourself in this situation:
Things are as they are. I can be with things as they are.
Repeat the phrases and then check in with what’s happening. Silently remind yourself: I can be with reality just as it is. I am as I am. May I accept myself just as I am. May I weather this situation with grace and equanimity.
As you say these words, remember how you felt when you were calm and balanced or when you imagined embodying a mountain.
Things are as they are. I can be with things as they are.
I may not like these circumstances, and that’s okay.
They may not be what I want, but I can be with them.
I have the capacity to be with life as it is.
Repeat the words that seem most helpful with your current situation.
Returning to the memory of feeling equanimous and the image of a solid, strong mountain, remember our human capacity to handle whatever life brings. Sit here with that feeling for a few more breaths.
Say to yourself, “Whatever I have to deal with, whatever may come, may I meet it with equanimity.”
Now that you have practiced cultivating inner equanimity, take some time to connect with the image or felt sense of a friend or loved one who is going through a challenging time. When you are ready, silently repeat equanimity phrases for the benefit of that person:
Things are as they are. You can be with things as they are.
You may not like these circumstances, and that’s okay.
They may not be what you want, but you can be with them.
You have the capacity to be with life as it is.
Remembering that everyone has times of hardship, expand the practice to include a neutral person—someone whom you don’t know well, perhaps a passerby or an unfamiliar face in our sangha. With a sincere wish to share the benefits of cultivating equanimity, transmit the phrases to this neutral person:
Things are as they are. You can be with things as they are.
You may not like these circumstances, and that’s okay.
They may not be what you want, but you can be with them.
You have the capacity to be with life as it is.
Now, take a moment to recall someone whom you find difficult to include in your heart. Be aware that just like you, this person has a measure of joys and sorrows. With a sense of underlying interconnection, share the equanimity phrases with the one whom you find difficult:
Things are as they are. You can be with things as they are.
You may not like these circumstances, and that’s okay.
They may not be what you want, but you can be with them.
You have the capacity to be with life as it is.
And finally, expand your heart to imagine the benefits of universally cultivating equanimity.
May people all around the world develop the capacity to be with life as it is.