BV-Compassion-Ram Dass
Tonight, we will practice the brahma vihara of compassion. As we respond to the suffering in war-torn Ukraine, we can find inspiration in the example of Ram Dass, a spiritual leader who embodied compassion. Two years before his death in 2019, he invited the psychiatrist, author and meditator, Mark Epstein, to visit his home on the island of Maui. In The Zen of Therapy, Epstein reminisces about being with the octogenarian guru.
Decades earlier, Ram Dass had suffered a devastating stroke that left his right arm and leg paralyzed and his speech halting. Wheelchair bound, he relied on attendants to lift his body and to help him use the bathroom. Yet, he welcomed Epstein warmly, confiding, “I’m spending much more time in here now,” pointing to his heart. Despite his obvious discomfort and fatigue, Ram Dass was uncomplaining, lighthearted, and interested in hearing about the details of his guest’s life.
The highlight of the visit was an expedition to swim in the ocean, a ritual that Ram Dass performed each Monday. At the beach, people were waiting to help the partially paralyzed, elderly man from his SUV into a wooden wheelbarrow to transport him to the shore. After maneuvering him into a wetsuit and a life vest, they released him into the sun-warmed sea.
He grinned as he floated freely and then paddled around energetically with his good arm and leg. Gliding nearby, Epstein was struck by his friend’s playfulness. About fifteen islanders plunged into the water to join Ram Dass in his weekly swim. As they all bobbed up and down like carefree children in the waves, he reflected, “We are a pod of souls.”
Caught up in the oceanic feeling of communal happiness, Epstein perceived the faces of each swimmer as radiantly beautiful. Liberated from their usual confines, they all swam as one. He writes that the experience was “limitless, unbounded, and eternal.” Spontaneously, the group began to sing in rounds,
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream,
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
With a broad smile, Ram Dass paddled himself towards shore, as everyone else stroked and sang alongside him. Back on the beach, they helped him out of his wet suit and accepted his invitation to treat them to lunch at a nearby Thai restaurant.
Seated facing Ram Dass at a long table set for twenty, Mark Epstein started to question the veracity of their oceanic experience. In dismay, he watched his swimming companions returning to their solid bodies and their conditioned personalities. There was a commotion when the waitress took orders for iced tea. Some people didn’t want tea at all, and others requested no ice or no sugar or hot tea. Ordering soup was just as problematic. Everyone seemed to be swimming in their individual egos. Epstein found that the judgments that he had suspended in the waves returned with full force on land.
Then he looked across the table at Ram Dass, who was eating heartily. He seemed not to notice the egos bubbling up around him. During a moment of eye contact, Ram Dass sensed his friend’s plummeting mood and smiled at him with compassion. At that instant, Epstein recognized the paradox that two seemingly contrasting realities were both true.
In his words, “The ocean and the restaurant, the soul and the ego, innocence and experience, relatedness and separateness … were two sides of one coin.” We may resonate with the phrase that Ram Dass repeated frequently in the last years of his life: “I am loving awareness.” At the same time, we can get caught up in our individual egocentric desires.
After many years of dedicated meditative practice, Ram Dass had developed deep compassion for the human predicament. He knew that even in the most stressful situations, we can trust our capacity to tap into the mysterious, harmonious, unifying undercurrent that flows through our lives.
Let us practice together to open our hearts of compassion. We’ll use a guided meditation suggested by Jack Kornfield.
Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Reflect upon your deepest desire for happiness and freedom from suffering. Be aware of your heart’s longing for truth and well-being. With each breath, sense in the heart center how much you wish to be free from harm and to experience compassion for yourself and for all beings.
Gently, offer yourself compassionate phrases:
May I be held in compassion.
May my struggles be eased.
May I be safe and protected.
May my heart be at peace, and my life be at peace.
Grounded in self-compassion, we can uncover the heart’s caring responses to others’ suffering. We may not feel compassion right away, and we may face judgments or resistance to the practice. Sometimes the mind gets lost in stories, memories or fantasies. Each time you’re aware that the mind is wandering, simply return to the practice. Be as friendly and tender with yourself as possible.
May I be held in compassion.
May my struggles be eased.
May I be safe and protected.
May my heart be at peace, and my life be at peace.
Allow the mind to relax into the reverberations of each phrase. PAUSE….With an exhalation, return to the sensations of your heart. Now bring to mind someone who has inspired you with their compassion towards you or others. Recognize that just as you wish to be cared for and understood, this benefactor wants to be met with compassion. Begin offering the benefactor compassionate phrases:
May you be held in compassion.
May your struggles be eased.
May you be safe and protected.
May your heart be at peace, and your life be at peace.
Release the image or felt sense of the benefactor’s presence, and return to the sensations and emotions of the heart, breathing softly into that area. Now bring to mind a friend who may be going through a challenging time. Sensing your heart’s resonance, offer this dear one phrases of compassion:
May you be held in compassion.
May your struggles be eased.
May you be safe and protected.
May your heart be at peace, and your life be at peace.
After practicing compassion on behalf of your friend, bring attention to your breath in the area of the heart…. Then bring to mind a neutral person–someone whom you do not know well, perhaps a person who passed by on a walk, who served you at a store, or who is in our virtual sangha tonight.
Understanding that the desire for freedom from suffering is universal, offer the neutral person phrases of compassion:
May you be held in compassion.
May your struggles be eased.
May you be safe and protected.
May your heart be at peace, and your life be at peace.
Release the image or felt sense of the neutral person, and return to the heart’s sensations and emotions. Expand the practice to include a person whom you find difficult in your life—someone you may have put out of your heart. Remember that all beings wish to be met with compassion—even those who act in ways that are unskillful, confused, and unkind. With an intention to free yourself from ill will, offer compassion to this one who is difficult for you to love:
May you be held in compassion.
May your struggles be eased.
May you be safe and protected.
May your heart be at peace, and your life be at peace.
Imagine expanding the field of compassion to all who are caught in the wars of the world, to mothers clutching their children in fear, to youths who are being conscripted as soldiers, to those who are wounded, to people who are elderly and sick. Envision all who are struggling everywhere.
May you all be held in compassion.
May your struggles be eased.
May you all be safe and protected.
May your heart be at peace, and your lives be at peace.
Exhale. We will end our practice with John O’Donohue’s poem titled For Peace.
As the fever of day calms towards twilight
May all that is strained in us come to ease.
We pray for all who suffered violence today.
May an unexpected serenity surprise them.
For those who risk their lives each day for peace,
May their hearts glimpse providence at the heart of history.
That those who make riches from violence and war
Might hear in their dreams the cries of the lost.
That we might see through our fear of each other
A new vision to heal our fatal attraction to aggression.
That those who enjoy the privilege of peace
Might not forget their tormented brothers and sisters.
That the wolf might lie down with the lamb,
That our swords be beaten into ploughshares
And no hurt or harm be done
Anywhere along the holy mountain.